I don't want to cry for you..

Cry for you cry for me I don't want to cry.....
Am so sick of just holding it together just wish for once someone could tell me that its going to be all right not like it really will be but I just wish I could just beleave....

Seems to be a lot of death in the air...

Well its been a hard month my mom passed one year ago and there is remberence of a lost dear friend at this time of year as well as the 18th year of my dads passing can this time of the year get any more depressing... So that is that I also lost a new dear friend this year. Death is a hard thing to look at and just see, and feel it.... Seems like something am getting a costume to don't care much for that...I feel am to young to get a costume to this don't really want to feel the fear.. Fear that I mite not be looking after myself like I should, what if I was to get sick what if it was my time I don't think I have done what I need to do to be done. I feel there is so much more for me to finish before am done... What if I die alone I don't want to. But sometimes I just feel I will. I was there this month when my good friend died this year. She really acted like she was going to beet it. She kept on saying when I come back to work she was a champer right til the very end.I didn't no her family well but they welcomed me with opened arms they were so glad that I was there for there mom... Apparently I was talked about alot by my dear friend the family could not wait to meet this person called Sam who is Sam... Sam was just a friend a true friend to the very end.... True friends are hard to come by especially to the very end... I miss you my friend I will see you in your next life time....

My good friend died ......

Beverly Cronin, Slide Curator in the Art Department Imaging Center,
died yesterday after a year long battle against cancer. Bev had been at
Smith since 1974.

Have not had much time to blog..

So my blog is laking so... I have been so busy as well as my full time worker that I spent the whole summer time, Traning to make my cafe what it is.. Just up and left on me with no kind of warning. So I have been left to make up for it all as well as I have to relie on all of my other workers to help were they can. So we are all working way overtime it is not fun let me tell you... But thank God we all like one another and it is all about just making it work for us all... I have a really good thing going and all but to tell you the truth am so temted to just let it all go and sell and let it go while the getting is good.. I would so much rather stay home, and get back into my Arts and not have to keep on pertending that life is good. Its really so hard....
Don't get me wrong but, its very hard running my own thing and rembering to pay every one and stay on top of everything my mind dose not rest it's not like am falling behind but my o my it is a lot of work.... But am doing very well and it so much better than working my ass of for no rewards... I just really miss my Arts... So this is what I need to work on, getting a new crew that I can trust and make it all work out.
I miss my Mom and I miss a lot of people that are not in my life any more I don't want to die alone. I no we come here alone and we leave here alone..... But I don't want to be alone any more......

My MOM drove me to the MOON but I LOVED HER SO MUCH! I Love you MoMA

I love you mom and thought of you today just as do every day!!!

Look what is past the fence.....

I made this for my friends for letting Me stay at there fab home.

Truned out they were the same flowers that they had at there wedding they were so shocked they thought someone had sent them to me for my Birthday Happy Birthday too me!!!

We would have made some funny looking kids.....

Thoughts of U....

Took this picture while I was eating my lunch one day.