Strange dreams

My house looks like an old womens house the dust is everywere and there is not a clean spot any were I tell myself that I don't care that its only a landing pad I can't seem to shake this I don't really no what it is am tring to shake but I can't seem to shake it..
My life dosen't suck or dose it I don't seem to no any more which way to turn I still can't beleave that my mother is dead it seems so sereal sometimes I pick up the phone thinking I will ask her something I don't no I will be thinking I wonder how long we had that for and I think I will just ask mom and I can't. Sometimes I can't understand it sucks Knowing that you are really alone that its all up to you and no one else.
Its not like its something new I have always done it alone but I always felt that there was this little blanket... Well that blanket was just ripped off of me and sometimes it gets rather cold. I have these strange dreams and there not nice there more like vision, vision of you in your worst state there like flash backs. Sometimes I will be awake and they just pop into my head sometimes I will be sleeping and I awake and start gasping for my air... Last night I had one of thoughs awake but sleeping dreams when I thought I was a wake but really I was sleeping and trying to wake up something was wrong something did not feel right I fear that someone was in my space and it was not welcome I could not move and I thought to myself if I could only just move my leg things would be alright... I couldn't move not even a wiggle fear was running all through me then I realised that if I were in real danger the dogs would have been going crazy then I manage to move and awoke just to be all alone once again alone....