Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Is it all about me?

Feel like blogging, started my new job this week. Welcome back to the work world. Not that I have not been working it's just not that nine to five thing that am ready to get back too. Could be worse can't complain what I have to look at when I walk into the pearly gates. I say gates, because that is what I feel ,been back here for 4 years now not even aware of the world that is behind the gates. There is so many mixed feelings behind the gate one is so nice the other so cold. Iam on my way to work wondering what it is am going to do and why am I here. Is this what I really what to do??????
Then I look up and what do I see the word ART....CENTER FOR THE ARTS. Yes ART is what I want to be, but is this kind of art for me,we will have to just see. What is behind the glass, Lot's of glass big glass if I were still in L.A. I would not even consider the job all the glass and all.
Just finished my week of training which was really two hours then I was tossed out to the wolves the young wolfs that is, well that is not true there are some old ones hanging around too. I was told a week next thing I was on my own should I worry not really because this really means it is all up to you, you call the shot's you get to make all the rules. Well not really all of them but a good part of them any way. It's all in how we play the game.
finished a long day with no planes and no were to go and no one to talk to about my day, dose anyone really care any way? We say we care then you start to tell someone your story and they listen for a min then next thing you no we are talking about them and nothing at all to do with you. Do I do that I try not to but really if it's not any fun to listen then why would you not want to talk about You.

Saw an old friend today had not talked to in so long. So much wanting to talk to her about what is going on in her life but not wanting to here to much in fear of fear.
Really wanting to no it all but in fear of fear, so we talk all around the fear and get to the real stuff. Very happy of what I here and so impressed that she has come so far. Thinking that maybe I did not let her tell me every thing that she is wanting to say just out of fear.
Then a friend of both of Ares starts to walk are way and my friend says to me oh no I have been bad I have not responded to any of her calls. I myself start to feel gilt,gilt that is not even mine. She walks up and my friend am sitting with says hi, am sorry I have not returned your calls. She starts to explain and she just cut's her short and says now what about me me me me me....
Was that very min that I realized that am what a friend should be.....It's not about me. It's about you and me. I love me and I love you too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you write so well and your thoughts are so deep.very good